My Parkour Career

I’m thinking about becoming a parkour expert. It’s not that hard. Watch this:

Just after I watched this video and several others, I wondered at exactly what point in my life I stopped wanting to do forward rolls. Can I get that back? As I was pondering this, waiting for my internet to blink back in, I turned to my iPhone for guidance. Look what came up.

I know. I didn’t believe it either. Right in front of me.

It isn’t spelled incorrectly. It’s spelled the French way—in its original form— which makes it an even more meaningful message from the universe. I have no idea what the correct answer is for the puzzle, but it clearly has something to do with balance, vision, and philosophical significance. Do you see it? My iPhone is telling me to take up parkour, less than three minutes after I was watching the youtube video.

Yes. I get that I might not, at first glance, seem like a typical parkour type, but let’s look at the facts: I know how to spell parkour, in BOTH English and French. I live in a city in which there are plenty of buildings, all of which have walls. I’ve watched my son play Assassin’s Creed. I’m very alert. The universe  wills it.

I’ll need some special gear. I’m thinking springy shoes:


Just for a little extra bounce. And I’ll need some very grippy gloves:

suction cup gloves

I’m going to be a little bit Lara Croft, a little bit Black Widow. I’ll probably look like this:


Except with better foundation garments. Or surgery.

Update: I just practiced rolling from left to right on my bed and I’m getting really fast. This is going to be awesome.